


Breathe

by Selestiles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Dean Winchester/Reader - Freeform, F/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam knows how to handle things and Dean Does Not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 15:32:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selestiles/pseuds/Selestiles
Summary: The reader has a panic attack





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Unoriginal title and prompt but I'm still a sucker for some good good self-indulgent comfort

You woke with a gasp, jolting awake in a way that turned your body face down on the mattress. You panted into the sheets, gripping them tightly while you waited for your stomach to settle.

 _Crap_ , this was going to be a shit day, wasn’t it?

You stood up slowly from the bed and walked heavily to the kitchen.

“Morning” Sam spoke around a mouthful of toast “sleep well?” You nodded in answer and he grinned when you rubbed groggily at your eyes. It technically wasn’t a lie, it was waking up that was the problem.

You opened the fridge and then immediately closed it when your stomach flipped at the thought of food. You grabbed a glass of water instead and sipped it slowly. You made your way to the table and sat next to Sam, opening your laptop and diligently ignoring his strange looks as you sipped your water, concentrating on swallowing it instead of spitting it out at the pressure on your lungs.

“You okay?” He asked after a minute, his brows furrowed. You pretended to be clueless by raising your head with a small _‘hm?’_ sound, as if you had been concentrating and not noticing his burning stare “yeah” you answered lightly “I’m fine” you gave him a tight lipped smile and turned back to doing nothing on your laptop. He kept staring and you felt your hands become clammy.

“Is there any coffee left?” You jumped at Dean’s voice, you hadn’t even noticed that he had come in. “Check the counter” Sam replied and then got up to leave his now empty plate in the sink.

Now that you were alone there was nothing to distract you from the fact the world was turning brighter, the colors both sharp and blending as your head spun. You felt lightheaded and you couldn’t remember how to breathe. You tried taking a deep, slow breath, but even though you could feel your lungs filling with air it felt like there was no oxygen in it. You coughed out the breath after forgetting to exhale for a moment. You knew you were going to have a panic attack when your whole body started shaking suddenly.

 _Ah hell_ , you hadn’t had one in years, and you had taken too long to notice what it was. You could hear Sam and Dean bickering in the kitchen faintly, so maybe you still could get out of here to ride it out alone in your room.

You tried to stand up but your legs gave out and you flopped back into the chair. You were panting now, drawing in long shallow breaths. You tried again, using your arms this time to help you up.

You walked shakily towards your room, trying not to lean too much to one side or the other as much you could with the whole world spinning like it was. You knew that if you fell down you wouldn’t be able to get back up.

You suddenly felt a warm hand drop on your shoulder and you jumped like you had been shocked. Choking down a sharp intake of breath.

“Woah, hey, you okay?” You nodded, wanting to get out of there, your hands and feet felt cold. Dean’s voice was rough with sleep and soft with concern, and though usually that would calm you this wasn’t the case now, you just wanted to leave so he wouldn’t see you like this.

“You sure? You look kind of pale” You  _felt_  pale.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just need to-” your breath hitched and you fell forward. Dean caught you instantly and maneuvered you so he was holding you tightly with one arm. Everything went black for a moment. Or maybe your eyes were closed, you couldn’t tell.

“Y/N?!” You heard Dean like he was underwater, and you nodded your head jerkily as best you could without being able to feel it. You felt like you were falling and you only realized Dean had moved you both to the floor when you felt the cold, hard surface under you.

Your vision cleared for a moment now that you were sitting down and you saw his face in front of you. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were wide in panic. The light was too bright behind him and you laughed internally at the halo it formed around his head. It seemed fair that Dean Winchester would look angelic while you were having a panic attack and probably looking like shit in his arms.

His mouth was moving frantically as he spoke but you could only hear a faint murmur. “Dean” you breathed, not really sure if you had spoken out loud when you didn’t hear anything “Dean ’m fah- 'mfine”

“Like hell you are” he snapped at you. You whimpered when your stomach lurched again and you clawed with shaky hands at his shirt, your head lolling to rest on his chest “SAM?!” He shouted, his hands were frantic and desperate on your face as he pulled you in front of him to look at your face.

“Sweetheart?! Hey, Y/N look at me” not that you could, his face was blurry now “Do you need to go to a hospital?” His voice was loud with controlled panic.

“Shit, what’s wrong?” Sam was standing behind you now, and you felt embarrassed about the commotion you were causing.

“Ah, 'mnot breathing” you gasped in a rush.  _Were you breathing?_  You couldn’t really be sure. Both brothers shared a quick glance and instantly got up, Dean carrying you in his arms.

You started to shake your head, knowing they were thinking this was much worse that it was. “'Mhavinah- 'mhavin a pahnic- a panic-”

“A panic attack?” Sam finished, taking pity. You nodded, although you hadn’t had one this bad in a long time.

Sam lead Dean to the couch, his posture still tense but more relaxed now he knew what was happening. Dean sat you down in front of him and Sam sat in front of you, he placed one of Dean’s hands on your chest and the other one on your back. Then took both of your hands in his and started pinching softly at the palm to distract you as he talked.

“Breathe with Dean Y/N, match his breathing” he said. You tried, feeling your ribs expand between his hands but your breath stuttered and you exhaled in a rush, making you cough.

“You’re doing great, keep going” he coaxed. You tried to match Dean’s deep breaths but didn’t turn to look at him. You were too embarrassed to.

After a few minutes of gentle coaxing from Sam and deep breaths with Dean your head cleared. You felt tired and drained, and incredibly ashamed of your state.

“Sorry guys” you said softly, looking down at your hands, still intertwined with Sam’s.

“Nothing to be sorry for” Sam quickly spoke “you good?” You nodded at him and he smiled softly at you as he got up, then kissed your forehead gently before leaving the room.

“I’m sorry Dean” you murmured. You felt like you owed him a separate apology for scaring him.

“You scared me half to death” he replied, his voice was low and heavy with emotion.

“I know” you said. “I’m sorry” you tried to turn around to look at him but he held you firmly in place.

“Stop apologizing” he breathed. “Why didn’t you tell us about this before?”

You shrugged “I hadn’t had one in such a long time, so I didn’t think I needed to”

He exhaled heavily and you felt the rush of hot air on your neck “And what caused this one? Did we…”

“No, Dean, you guys didn’t do anything” you squirmed away from his hold to look at him, then wish you hadn’t, his eyes were red rimmed and he looked like he was still trying to collect himself, you decided not to comment on it. “Sometimes they just happen, even if nothing triggers them.”

He nodded, searching your eyes before pulling you close to him again. He breathed deeply, finally relaxing now that he knew you were okay.

He held you against him until you fell asleep from exhaustion. He held you in his warm embrace while he whispered that he loved you into your ear, whispered that he would help you fight these demons too, and that even if you never defeated them he would love you for trying.

And maybe one day he’d tell you when you were awake.

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr @soopranatural


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